No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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