ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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