It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I believe in your delicious
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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