genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
