May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
