Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
