the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
