I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize