I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
