A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
