I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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