Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The power of my boobs compel you
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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