I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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