if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
