But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
