meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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