You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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