I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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