How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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