On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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