there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
