Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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