That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
