THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
