too bad you live with your parents still
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
