So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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