Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
