she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you would pick up someone in the library
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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