Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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