rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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