wakey wakey hands off snakey
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
