Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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