Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
