my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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