I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
