is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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