he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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