In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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