I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
