No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
