I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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