I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think I just sharted jello shots
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
