So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize