I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
