Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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