i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
