I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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