smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
