Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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