I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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