Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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