Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
