So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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