Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
