Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
