Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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