every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
