I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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