wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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