I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
