You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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