You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
